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6/6/19-Transition Stuff

The last couple days have been really interesting. Before I go any further, I should say that I'm a trans man, ftm.I found out that I've been diagnosed with gender dysphoria a couple days ago, which is amazing, especially considering that I'm finally starting my medical transition. This is a huge, amazing, and terrifying step for me, but I'm honestly glad that it's happening. I've known that I'm male for about a year now, but my mom wasn't really supportive at first; it's important that she's supportive, especially since I'm 17, I need her consent to start Testosterone. For awhile our relationship was pretty rocky, and we fought a lot, but now we're doing really well. I guess I always intended to start a blog, or some form of one. I tried YouTube for a bit, but having my face attached to all the words that I was saying, the personal experiences I have, was really uncomfortable for me. Even now, as these words are placed in the html code of my website, I feel more comfortable than I ever did behind a camera.

It's so crazy to me that this is actually happening. That I'm actually starting my medical transition. Obviously, I have a long way to go, with insurance, and figuring out what's covered, there's still a lot of tunnel before I get to the desired light. I know there's a long journey ahead of me, but I'm happy that my mom is on-board. I think I always valued her opinion, more than I'd like to admit. Something I've noticed too, is how casual hormones are treated these days. As trans people become more and more accepted, starting hormones and having surgery is becoming normalized. It really shouldn't be. Hormones are a huge step, and surgery is an even larger one. These things are a big deal, and are important for people to know about.

Honestly, I'm not really sure what I want out of writing this all down, but English happens to be one of the few things I've always been good at. Although I'm uncomfortable saying it to a camera, I'm okay with people hearing my story. Reading and writing have always been a vice for me, and though the code here doesn't come equipped with spellcheck, I'm hoping that maybe my words will help someone feel as if they aren't alone in whatever journey they're pursuing. I am definitely an ameteur at coding and html, but I'm doing my best to learn. Hopefully one day my website will be up to the quality I want it to be, as I continue to learn more about html each time I sit down to work more with it.

Now, I'm sitting in my math class, sorry if this entry seems a little hectic, I'm still getting used to the html formatting. I was just sitting here, not really talking as usual, and I realize how superficial the other students are. I doubt any of them really understand what actual pain is like. Real actual pain, and opression. Sometimes I wonder if I would be different if I was like the main population of my school, and I think I would be, disgustingly so. Although trauma sucks, I'm glad I've had it, for it shaped the person I am, and made me understand things I never would have before.

Just some things I think about occasionally, I suppose.